I Thought I Had A Position…VENTING

i play bass guitar. i enjoy it.

i also play on the worship team at my church. or so i thought.

you know when you get really excited about doing something but then you never end up getting to do it? well that’s how i feel right now.

i went on a 2 week missions trip so i said i was unavailable. and i have been back for almost 3 weeks now and haven’t played at all. i don’t understand this. i’ve only actually played 2 times in the last….3 months. i don’t even feel part of the team.

playing worship music is a passion of mine. i LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE doing it. so why if you have a talented musician who loves playing and is available most of the time, would you not have them play?

i’m really bummed out. i just wanna stop going. because i just get pissed off all the time.

i would really hate that it’s because someone wants a “supergroup” worship team. i don’t think thats right.

i would hope that it’s not because i’m not good friends with the leader. that i’m not in the “in crowd”.

i would hope that it’s a giant mistake. a mental error. something that can be fixed and maybe an apology given.

i just don’t mean to sound selfish. i just want things to be fair. especially in this setting.

Just A Few Prayer Requests

+for my friend Emily. she’s got court dates and she’s stressed and it has to do with her family. and that causes a lot of hurt.

+for me getting a job before i leave so i can get  my car running,  some money saved,  and all my bills paid off.

+for Virginia and me. i will be moving there hopefully by October. God has big plans. i just want them to go smoothly this time.

+for my friend Rachel. that she realizes God is there no matter what and that she would always depend on him.

+for my friend Kevin, he just bought a new house and has a semi new baby, and is starting a new church. he is stressed.

Thank You.

Disaster Sets Itself Up With Impatience

i hate feeling the way i do right now. even though it’s really not something i know anything about.

i met someone. in the context of you are not allowed to like this person during the entire 2 weeks you spend with them.

you know when someone drops 10 bags of concrete on your shoulders and you fall under the weight and you just lay there saying “holy crap i can’t get up or do anything!”. yea thats what i feel like, and that’s what i have felt for the last 12 days.

i cannot explain it, i cannot get rid of it. i have prayed about it, i have wrestled with God over it and it has not gone away. now i’m wondering if God is trying to teach me a lesson or it it actually means what i think it does.

how do you go about thinking someone is amazing, but not knowing how to emote that, and make things happen.

i have been out of the dating scene for almost 4 years now. i am not sure how to go about telling someone that you hardly know them but they are wonderful. WONDERful is actually a good word. i wonder what the heck i’m doing. if this is even worth my time, my heart or my efforts. but i REALLY BELIEVE it is. i get this scary feeling she might be the one.

but alas there are MANY complications to it all. an ex/quasi-dating thing, distance, people getting pissed at me for liking her to begin with. and the last thing i want to do is step on toes. i HATE stepping on toes. (just think of what that feels like, if even accidentally.)

but she is AMAZING. like WHOAH!

maybe i just hope too much. but when a woman has all these qualities that i have looked for since i realized what i wanted in my early 20’s, how can you not??!?!!?

is there a chance? if there is, i will take it and run with it.

so i will wait on God. and let things unfold i guess. waiting isn’t a bad thing. especially when it’s an answer from God.