Maybe I Just Go About It Wrong

So i have been looking for a job for the last 2 months. i have been occasionally working for friends during the mean time to have cash for food and random entertainment during this time of searching. i also have friends that buy me food, lend me money for a movie they want to see with me and other small gifts. i never ask for these things. at least i try not to. i would rather be bored and hungry than impose on my friends for things. and it’s not like i don’t appreciate these things. i REALLY do. it makes me feel loved. and that’s the greatest feeling in the world…

back to the whole getting a job thing. i have put in applications, both online and in person, at at least 20 places in the Batavia area. i have had 2 interviews at one place and one at another. neither of them have called me back regarding employment even tho the interviews seems to have gone great. i even have taken my lip rings out when i APPLY and turn in applications. and i definitely do it for the interviews. i don’t understand why no one wants to hire me. i have a lot of experience in a lot of different variety of jobs. maybe too many for some? i have a great work attitude and get along with most anybody.

maybe i am going about this wrong. maybe i should not be an individual anymore, change who i am and be cookie cutter, maybe that will get me a job.

maybe i get too comfy in people helping me and not being blunt enough with me. maybe i could get some advice, i always give it but never get it.

maybe i’ll just move away and go to FL where my friend wants me and already has a job lined up. but i really don’t want to leave just yet. i have all these relationships that have just started.

maybe i don’t really understand what God wants for me. maybe He wants me to stay, maybe He wants me to give all these things up i have here.

maybe i am just plain wrong. maybe i don’t have any clue of what i am doing, or what i am saying, or even what real life is all about.

i know 3 things: God loves me, i have the greatest friends known to man, and people will never understand me.

who wants to give me a job, who wants to give me good advice, who wants me to disappear?

Girlfriends And Boyfriends And Me

everyone seems to be getting them.

EVERYONE. but my life is too confusing and turbulent to have one.

but it still sucks. girls i used to like getting new ones. my guy friends starting new ones.

me, still single. still moving down south and having the potential of being single for another 3 years.

i seem to be venting a lot. it happens when very little good goes on and everyone around you have very littel bad happen to them. but i am happy for my friends.

also many of my friends, especially the newer ones, have been going through some tough times. it kills me to see them in pain. to see tears in their eyes, to feel unloved in family life, to be disrespected.

i wish i had super powers(besides my amazing hugs) to help them out. all i can do is pray and be there to give advice.

which by the way, i like to do. so if you need any, i’m here(seems to be not much else to do).

p.s. just so you know, i HATE when girls flirt online with me and then in real life, don’t really acknowledge me. do both, or neither.

p.p.s. i REALLY like HUGS.