I’m A Slacker I Know…

So it’s been over 2 months since i last posted. Most of that blame lies on the lack of internet at my aunt’s house. The other is my pure laziness in actually writing anything.

A few good things have happened and a few bad things have happened.

But as of this moment i do not want to be here.

I know it’s hard to say that and then try and explain why, but i just don’t feel right around here. small things seem to be good and then big things happen that suck really bad.

Lately, I’ve learned that i can’t really trust people. maybe a few. but it seems that people like to cause hurt and drama, just because it makes them feel better about themselves…or so it seems. there is a loss of friendship and trust when people feel the need to gossip. especially when it hurts people feelings that were never intended to be hurt. but people gotta keep on talking don’t they. there’s a verse in the Bible that says not to let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth unless it’s edifying(which means to make better or positive) others. gossip definitely does NOT do that.

I don’t believe some people actually will ever mean what they say. in maybe a feel good moment or something that diffuses a situation they will say the “right thing” but then continue to be the complete opposite way. you maybe try to give them advice and they don’t want to hear it because non one should tell other people how to live right? even if it’s good for them!? i know no one is perfect, but can people not take advice without criticizing the giver? and do some of those people even want to change unless it’s convenient for them?

My group of friends is a church group. or so it seems. We don’t act like it. We act more like a social club that meets in a church. i’m just as guilty as the rest of them. We don’t act like followers of Jesus but we want all the benefits that come with it. We wonder why our families and friends don’t like church or aren’t serious about their faith. THINGS NEED TO CHANGE!!!

I put my heart into something that never was gonna be what i expected. it was a dangerous jump but sometimes you think people are better than the rest of the world. and now i am hurting a lot from it. something that will take me a long time to get over and a lot of forgetting that isn’t easy to do.

I want love. God’s love. love that doesn’t mind growing and changing. a love that knows it’s in for a difficult journey but is excited just the same.

Things will never be the same. I just want some positive thinking. i want people to WANT to be better, to grow, to improve. why just be like you’ve always been? i’m not down for laziness anymore. not in writing blogs, not in growing up, not in being a good friend, especially not in following Jesus and God’s call.

Things will never change if i never change.

So keep me in prayer. This will be a difficult journey and it might lead me other places, it might not.

Let’s be real. Let’s be different than the world. Let’s change it. Let’s be Jesus.