Phone Calls And Memories

Honestly, who accidentally calls me, not meaning to, when their phone is in their pocket?

That just seems really weird and then you sing a band i love and a song i love too.

WEIRD!

It makes it hard to forget you.

I’m A Slacker I Know…

So it’s been over 2 months since i last posted. Most of that blame lies on the lack of internet at my aunt’s house. The other is my pure laziness in actually writing anything.

A few good things have happened and a few bad things have happened.

But as of this moment i do not want to be here.

I know it’s hard to say that and then try and explain why, but i just don’t feel right around here. small things seem to be good and then big things happen that suck really bad.

Lately, I’ve learned that i can’t really trust people. maybe a few. but it seems that people like to cause hurt and drama, just because it makes them feel better about themselves…or so it seems. there is a loss of friendship and trust when people feel the need to gossip. especially when it hurts people feelings that were never intended to be hurt. but people gotta keep on talking don’t they. there’s a verse in the Bible that says not to let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth unless it’s edifying(which means to make better or positive) others. gossip definitely does NOT do that.

I don’t believe some people actually will ever mean what they say. in maybe a feel good moment or something that diffuses a situation they will say the “right thing” but then continue to be the complete opposite way. you maybe try to give them advice and they don’t want to hear it because non one should tell other people how to live right? even if it’s good for them!? i know no one is perfect, but can people not take advice without criticizing the giver? and do some of those people even want to change unless it’s convenient for them?

My group of friends is a church group. or so it seems. We don’t act like it. We act more like a social club that meets in a church. i’m just as guilty as the rest of them. We don’t act like followers of Jesus but we want all the benefits that come with it. We wonder why our families and friends don’t like church or aren’t serious about their faith. THINGS NEED TO CHANGE!!!

I put my heart into something that never was gonna be what i expected. it was a dangerous jump but sometimes you think people are better than the rest of the world. and now i am hurting a lot from it. something that will take me a long time to get over and a lot of forgetting that isn’t easy to do.

I want love. God’s love. love that doesn’t mind growing and changing. a love that knows it’s in for a difficult journey but is excited just the same.

Things will never be the same. I just want some positive thinking. i want people to WANT to be better, to grow, to improve. why just be like you’ve always been? i’m not down for laziness anymore. not in writing blogs, not in growing up, not in being a good friend, especially not in following Jesus and God’s call.

Things will never change if i never change.

So keep me in prayer. This will be a difficult journey and it might lead me other places, it might not.

Let’s be real. Let’s be different than the world. Let’s change it. Let’s be Jesus.

Coming Soon!!! And More!!! More Exclamation Points!!!!!!!!

yea i haven’t written much lately. but hopefully that will soon change! i will be having a new weekly series called Tuesdays With Rand. it will be about our adventures and what not. plus if i get the job at Applebees i’m sure there will be plenty of stories from there.

so if you didn’t know, conversation and communication are the most important things in life. seriously. i kind of always knew but it hit me hard last night. no one understands you if you never say anything.

so say something. just don’t blow up. explain things before they get bad. say hi. tell people about your day.

that’s all for now. look forward to more goodness from Senor Lorenzo.(THAT WOULD BE ME!)

tell your friends. leave some comments. let me know you’re alive out there.

Things I Thought About This Week

~My pastor dropkicks dogs. And he is an awesome and funny dude.

~My cousin Jay is the coolest kid ever and I’m glad I got to spend time with him on his break.

~Grandma’s are pretty cool, and i wish i had mine around.

~You don’t know how bad you hurt me. I want to cry. I really do…

~God is my homeslice. And I am SOOOOOO glad.

~Respect means a lot to me. More than most anything.

~Justin Smith is the man. I love him dearly.

~I want friends who want to be different, and better, and not typical. Unlike the rest of the world.

~No one knows the real me. You really don’t. No one seems to want to either.

The Black Sheep It Seems

So Christmas isn’t really my favorite holiday. it is a good holiday to sleep and relax. and eat food. just like a lot of the other family holidays/gettogethers.

but this year was very frustrating. sometimes i’d rather receive no gifts than the ones i got. i did enjoy the socks and electric toothbrush i got. and all the gifts i got from friends. the books were all AMAZING! but i really don’t think my family knows me or tries to get to know me that well. i got a flashlight. i got pretty much the same flashlight that i got last year. which is still in the package because i have no need for a flashlight. i also got a USED cd case. not something i asked for, nor did i need. i am wondering what my family is actually thinking when they are getting gifts for me. and it’s not like i’m a little kid where anything makes me happy. i am 28. an adult, who likes to do adult things. i am thankful for the gift card to Hot Topic. but that also seems like they took no time to find out what i really wanted. it’s so frustrating feeling like they don’t really care all that much about me because i have piercings and tattoos. and i don’t have a lot in common with the rest of the family as far as they are concerned. they don’t take the time to find out either.

my friends got me gifts that are 100x as good. and that’s kind of sad. again, i’d rather not receive any gifts than the ones i got. i just wish i didn’t get treated like the black sheep.

Double Dedication Day#2(Technically DOA#4): Justin Smith

He goes by many names:  Smittums, Smittles, Smittlefield, Schmittay, Boris(or maybe it the other one), Smith and most popular, Smitty. but most importantly to me: he is My Brotha From Anotha Motha.

i met Smitty through a former(?) friend of mine Julie. they both worked at the college radio station and then began to date. she went to ThuRsdays and decided to bring him along. he didn’t come all the time at first but then his buddy Ryan started coming too so it gave him a better reason. well, his life has changed significantly since then. he is now a regular attender at both Thursdays and Northgate FMC and involved in the Tech Crew of both.

As seen in previous blogs(Happy & Thank You) this guy makes me laugh. he makes me laugh like no other! we have had many adventures together that have ended up in one of us on our knees or backs laughing hysterically until we tear up or lose our breath. we have inside jokes that some people will never understand nor do some of them want to. we laugh at each others pain(not in a really bad way). for example tonight while playing Apples To Apples i put down a card with Helen Keller on it. considering the category, it was just too wrong of an answer; but me and Smitty, on opposite sides of the table(with 11 people), looked at each other and proceeded to crack up and almost fall out of our chairs.

one thing that makes our relationship interesting is the fact that we are both weirdos. me being more so than he is. this cause me to hurt Smitty’s brain. he says it all the time. “You make my brain hurt! GAH!!!” but i think he puts up with me because for all my retarded behavior i make him laugh twice as much as i confound him.  i don’t think it’s ever come to a point where i have pissed him off. at least not on purpose. that’s why he’s so cool. he’s a really understanding guy. more than most people give him credit for. he puts up with a lot of crap sometimes.

I owe Smitty a lot. there’s been lots of times where there is a group of us hanging out and i forget that i don’t have a car, and he offers to take me home and it’s out of his way; and/or the weather might be crappy or it is really late at night and he has to work in the morning. he’s even paid for me to come to HIS birthday party and adventures! i seriously can’t think of more than 2 people ever in my entire life that would do that. that seriously blows me away. he has also bought me food plenty of times. now that’s a good friend. we all know i like to eat. and he doesn’t like me starving, because i’m a skinny boy and he’s…not. haha. and i think he feels bad for me. but anyhoo. yea, he’s really come through for me these past 2 years.

i have also gone on a few family get-togethers with him. visiting his cousins and grandparents and all the craziness that ensues because of it. i’ve actually met a few new friends because of said adventures. and had many an interesting moment as well. oh if you only knew(you really DON’T want to).

Seriously, Smitty is my brother. he’s very important to me and how my life has turned out. he has been there through some of the tough times in the past year, especially in the last 2-3 months. i don’t know if i could handle it all without him. i know the guy cares a lot about me and i never thought that would happen, because most guys are jerks and do things only to benefit themselves. HE IS A GOOD FRIEND. probably my best friend.

I love Smitty. He is my family. And he is cool as beans and makes my life joyous. He is my Best Man.(and no…i’m not getting married yet).

DJ SMITTY IS IN THE HOUSE YA’LL!!!!

Things That Make You Go Hmm

Ok, so this is actually about things that make you happy. or make me happy. because i was told i need to write a happy blog. which in reality isn’t all that hard. i just don’t get a lot of reminders. so here we go.

Laughing makes me happy. “well larry, that’s an obvious statement.” i agree. i wonder if there are people out there who actually hate laughter, maybe Osama Bin Laden. maybe Scrooge, but he changed. maybe the guy who crapped his pants when he laughed really hard while watching the Jeff Dunham special and has bad memories of people harassing him because of his bad smell and has thus sworn off laughter entirely. i digress! i love laughing. i love people who make me laugh. i love being a dork, which makes me and others laugh. when you take pictures and you both make weird faces and it just doesn’t come out perfect and one of you looks like a monkey and the other like a scared wombat. when you tend to sing to someone but don’t really try and you sound like a complete doofus. or you try to sound as weird as possible just to make the other person smile.or tickling someone to make them laugh and then they gouge you with their extremely deadly fingernails. all these things make me laugh. oh theres more. when people repeatedly hit you with a towel or stress ball and then when you try to attack them with tongs and they almost fall over. or accordion farts in walmart. oh how my life would be incomplete and utterly sucky without laughter. and here is a few of those people that make me laugh:

Smitty, Jessica, Mallory J, Rand, Devon, myself.

Music makes me happy. there is not a day that goes by that i do not listen to music. it makes the day go faster, it makes the day more entertaining. it gets me through tough times. it makes for good background noise. it’s also funny(see above). it is fun to dance to, it is fun to sing along to. it is fun to make up motions to. it is also awesome to praise Jesus/God to. imagine if we had to praise God without music, i think it would be quite boring. music reminds me of good times, even if those good times are gone. it teaches us lessons. it inspires us. that is one of the many reasons it makes me happy. here are some of my fav music for making me happy:

Jimmy Eat World, Hillsong United, Reel Big Fish, Mates Of State, Richard Cheese, Five Iron Frenzy, Zolof The Rock & Roll Destroyer, and Death Cab For Cutie

Hugs make me happy! who doesn’t love a good hug. they just make things better. whether you lost a loved one/friend. or if you are having a bad day. or just because someone loves you/appreciates you/cares about you. they are just awesome. and i guess i’m gonna throw kisses in there too. because come. DUH! unless it’s from your least favorite uncle huey or aunt ruth, who happens to have a beard, or you don’t like the person. but besides that, kisses make people happy.

Sleep makes me happy. this is obvious. lack of sleep usually means crankiness and attitude. and when you get ENOUGH sleep, things are just wonderful. and when you sleep, you have a chance of dreaming. dreams are good.

A combo of these two previous things is snuggling, pretty much the BEST THING in the entire world.

and last but not least:

FOOD makes me happy!!! i love eating yummy, delicious food. it makes my mood better, it helps me do things, it makes a party better. beef, chicken, ice cream, and fruit. all good things to fill my belly.

Here’s some verses about happiness:

Psalm 68:3
But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful.

Proverbs 15:13
A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.

Ecclesiastes 7:14
When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.

James 5:13
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.

Two People

YOU – make me very happy, thank God for laughing. [you already know it's you so i don't have to say]

you – piss me off to no end, and you honestly think it’s helping.[hey this is my brother for all who were wondering! ]

Life Has Been Hard

If you think that it hasn’t then you obviously don’t know me.

Things aren’t as easy as you seem to think. jobs don’t come as easy as you think.

I for the first time in my life have applied for public assistance. I hate it. I feel like all the people who sponge off of the government but never do half the things I do to progress myself. I don’t know if I’m even accepted. but when you only have $6 to your name and no one is calling back looking to hire me, I don’t have much of a choice.

I want to stay in Batavia. I love my church. I love my friends. but everything has been working against that. maybe I’ll be homeless, that should be fun. anyone have a tent they can let me borrow? I’ll live in one of the many parks here and try not to get arrested.

I want to move to VA, but I can’t do that with no money. maybe when I sell my car I will move soon after. there isn’t much keeping me here, despite all the good things i do mention. i feel like I just end up getting sucked down in this hole called Western NY. and it’s painful. I don’t think I’ve ever been more depressed as I have lately. the lack of food, the lack of hope, the lack of plans working out, lack of respect(which is the worse out all of them).

But Jesus is good to me. He provides me with generous friends, with patient roommates, with freedom, with nice weather.

Why is the question. what am I supposed to learn? why is all this crap happening to me? where do I go from here?

all i know are these verses:

Psalm 14:6
You evildoers frustrate the plans of the poor, but the LORD is their refuge.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans i have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Ephesians 1:11
In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

A Short Thank You List

i would like to thank some people who have been quite influential in my life as of late. they are amazing people and i have not only learned from them, but have learned that not all of humanity if selfish and dumb.

Jessica Hishman – this girl has been a great friend to me, relying on me to help her through her struggles and encouraging me in mine. she has a kind heart and a great laugh, and with that a great sense of humor. she has showed me that we all need each other, even in the little ways. she is also an awesome hugger. and gives selflessly. God will honor her in her sacrifices. she is a dork(it’s a good thing).

Melissa Olear – this girl is super sweet. she gives me words of hope and motivation. she is someone who has a outside view of where i am and still knows that i am a helpful, useful person. she gives me good hugs and a smile that makes the day just a bit better. she writes blogs(found on here) that inspire, surprise and make me smile. she has a heart of gold, and a good head on her shoulders. and boy does she love Jesus!

Rand Fisher – this guy is a GREAT friend. we spend a lot of time together and ALWAYS enjoy each others company, even though we are different in a lot of ways. we respect each other, which goes a long way in these recent times. he is always willing to give advice, give a funny joke, or a helping hand when it isn’t even asked. God will bless him for that. We listen to a lot of music together(although i like to more than he does. he actually likes conversation[weird i know]) and always have a view on it that compliments each other(usually). he’s got a sweet ride and is a good exercise buddy. he also is a good encourager and loves to help others. he is awesome!

Mallory Lynch – this girl is nothing short of amazing. she has been through hard times but still refuses to let it make her bitter. she is a total sweetheart and someone who takes to heart a compliment or a kind word. she has a killer awesome smile. she makes me feel like a million dollars. she is cheesy and corny, but just at the right times. she is VERY easy to talk to. which is nice. she does things not because she will gain anything from it, but because that’s the good/right thing to do. she fully admits to not being perfect. and makes steps to make herself better, not only physically, but mentally/spiritually as well. even though i haven’t known her as well(even though a bit longer in reality) as the others, she has really stepped up to the plate in making my life better. she is SPECIAL(ed? lol)

Jaime Keller – oh man, this guy is a tough cookie. he has recently become a Christian. and he is going through all sorts of struggles. the devil is attacking him all the freaking time. but you know what…he keeps on. even though its hard. really hard. and he asks advice from friends, he SEEKS encouragement. he wants to use his gifts for God. that is massive. he INSPIRES me to keep on keeping on. to NEVER depend on yourself. ALWAYS on God. i have learned the most from him than out of any of the others, and i’m sure he doesn’t even know it. he gives me advice that i know is tested and true. he is a SMART man. he loves people, i can see it in his face. he is a cool dude. he loves 90’s music, which is good, because so do i.

Smitty(aka Justin Smith) – this guy makes me laugh. laughter is good. seriously he is freaking GREAT. i love the dude. he is funny, and just a super cool human being. he is like the brother i always wanted. he is THE MAN!

and last but not least,

God – He makes all these people possible. He makes the sun shine, the weather warm in late October, the rain fall when i am sleeping. He loves me, He LOVES me!!!! He forgives me. He gives me a hope, a heart and a passion for loving others. He NEVER EVER gives up on me. I LOVE HIM. yea he’s pretty SWEET! or GNARLY(haha).

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

you people mean a lot to me.