Things I Thought About This Week

~My pastor dropkicks dogs. And he is an awesome and funny dude.

~My cousin Jay is the coolest kid ever and I’m glad I got to spend time with him on his break.

~Grandma’s are pretty cool, and i wish i had mine around.

~You don’t know how bad you hurt me. I want to cry. I really do…

~God is my homeslice. And I am SOOOOOO glad.

~Respect means a lot to me. More than most anything.

~Justin Smith is the man. I love him dearly.

~I want friends who want to be different, and better, and not typical. Unlike the rest of the world.

~No one knows the real me. You really don’t. No one seems to want to either.

How Do You Know?

if something is right. when nothing has ever gone right before.

and all your dreams seem to go perfect. but they’re just dreams.

what success means, if it’s only for yourself.

what to do when everything you need to go right, goes wrong.

what to do when you are so different than everyone,  but you still slide your round self into the square hole.

how do you know?

What If #1: What If I Was Never Here?

What would it be like if I was gone? Unexpectedly. What would you do? How would your life be different?

Let’s hear it.

Things That Happen When You Grow Up: Maturity

There are certain things I cannot deal with. One of the big things is immaturity.

There are time where everyone is acting silly, where the mood is light and a off-color comment is welcome and just makes everyone laugh. Times when someone is feeling down and saying something silly cheers them up.

Then there are times when something sill and/or dumb is said when it is totally random. When it doesn’t pertain to the situation. When it makes no sense and is only used to gain attention. When everyone looks at the person who said it like “what the heck are you saying/what does that have to do with this?”.

These people annoy me to no end. They do things that make no sense just so people will look at them. It makes them look idiotic. And for the most part not funny at all. I guess this is ok when you are 15 or 16. A lot of these people are 19-23. You have to grow up sometime. I guess these people think they can ignore those rules of maturity. Some think it’s “not following the crowd” or “being different”. But that is not the case here. You can be different without sounding dumb.

One of the requirements of being mature is not saying something that makes another or a lot of people feel uncomfortable for no reason at all. You can’t purposely make yourself look like an idiot just because you can. If you were to do that in the real world everyone would ignore you and think less of you. They would not think you are “being different”, they would think you are being stupid.

Maybe some people should look at how they act and try to improve those actions. They should weigh the situation and see if the comments/actions are welcome. If not, then they should stop. You don’t set a good example of how to be an adult, which is what you supposedly are, but you need to.

No one is perfect, but some people try more than others as well.

Love And What It Means To You.

So again, I haven’t written a blog in quite a while.  There’s not much to write about really. Well even though that is a poor excuse, that’s the one I am using.  But now you get a significant one. About someone i care a lot about. Actually it is TO her.  We can all learn from this though.

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

It does not envy.

It does not boast.

It is not proud.

It is not rude

It is not self-seeking

It is not easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects.

Always trusts.

Always hopes.

Always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Think about that when I say it. Think about what all those words mean. I, Larry Snider, mean that every time I say it.

The Crazy Things Your Mind Tells You

so i haven’t really written anything in over 3 weeks. i have some stuff that i jotted down and a few rough drafts that i was thinking about writing but they just didn’t need to be said quite yet.

but i had an odd dream last night. ok so as you know i have interesting dreams when i do. for example me being a UFC fighter and i was jacked and i fought 4 midgets who were also jacked with tribal tattoos to boot. i had to win in order to get the girl. it is one of many not so normal dreams. but the one last night was anything but typical, even for my dreams.

i had a dream i was blind. and everything i did was based on that. i couldn’t see faces, i only remembered people from my memory and what their voices sounded like. i couldn’t tell what they were wearing or what color/race they were. i listened, i used my nose, i used sounds to figure things out. it was all freaky and real.

i wonder if we could all experience that for a day how it would change our perception of people and how we judge people. things not based on appearance or what they own but who people were and what they said/talked about/cooked/smelled like. i am not a superficial person in anyway. i try to not judge people on how they look. i don’t pay attention to celebrities. i don’t really follow fashion and what’s cool. i don’t shop at H&M because everyone else does and that is what the look of the day is.

i want to be who God wants me to be. not what others want me to be. i want people to see Jesus in me through my actions, through my words, through how i sing, not how i look. although i do believe in modesty, we tend to judge people on how they look. i don’t think that’s right at all. especially in the kingdom of God.

What if we never worried about who was watching us worship, what if we never worried about how other people worship and just focused on God and our love for Him?

These are the things i thought about after waking up this morning. How would you live different if you were blind(besides the obvious relearning of things)?  would you love the same way? would you act the same way? would you be the same person or be completely different?

“Who needs eyes when you have hands?”

The Black Sheep It Seems

So Christmas isn’t really my favorite holiday. it is a good holiday to sleep and relax. and eat food. just like a lot of the other family holidays/gettogethers.

but this year was very frustrating. sometimes i’d rather receive no gifts than the ones i got. i did enjoy the socks and electric toothbrush i got. and all the gifts i got from friends. the books were all AMAZING! but i really don’t think my family knows me or tries to get to know me that well. i got a flashlight. i got pretty much the same flashlight that i got last year. which is still in the package because i have no need for a flashlight. i also got a USED cd case. not something i asked for, nor did i need. i am wondering what my family is actually thinking when they are getting gifts for me. and it’s not like i’m a little kid where anything makes me happy. i am 28. an adult, who likes to do adult things. i am thankful for the gift card to Hot Topic. but that also seems like they took no time to find out what i really wanted. it’s so frustrating feeling like they don’t really care all that much about me because i have piercings and tattoos. and i don’t have a lot in common with the rest of the family as far as they are concerned. they don’t take the time to find out either.

my friends got me gifts that are 100x as good. and that’s kind of sad. again, i’d rather not receive any gifts than the ones i got. i just wish i didn’t get treated like the black sheep.

Why I Celebrate Christmas – Through A Song

“I Celebrate The Day” by Relient K

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You’ve touched my life
Because here is where You’re finding me, in the exact same place as New Year’s eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We’re less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I’ll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

Jesus is the reason for this day. Happy Birthday Jesus and Thank You!

The Monster Rears It’s Ugly Head

I am depressed.

most people don’t understand what true depression is. it’s not something that goes away in one day. this is what i have gone through:

for the last month i have had feeling of things not going well. everything i have done to improve my life has not worked out. it’s an overwhelming feeling of failure. the feeling that no matter what you do, that it’s just not going to happen. i wake up feeling alone and worthless. everything adds up. i live in a secluded area where not a lot of people travel to visit. i have been searching for a job in Batavia for 2 months. i used to live there and that’s where most of my friends live and that’s where my church is. i have to depend on other people and i hate that. it makes me feel like i’m handicapped. every time there is a glimmer of things getting better, they get crushed. it’s like “how much can i take?”. it happens over and over.

people think that just because good things happen every once in a while and that you are smiling that you still can’t be depressed. it doesn’t work like that. yea i have good friends, yea i have an amazing family. but that’s not what i’m feeling. i am feeling a loss of hope. where every moment of the day i just want to curl up in a ball and sleep and sometimes even die. it’s not something that i like. but it’s something i can’t escape. i know i have many people that care for me and that want me to get better. but just saying “i hope it gets better.” doesn’t help. it just sucks, because i don’t feel like i can do anything to make it better.

so pray for me.

Dedication Of Awesomeness #5: Mallory Jean Lynch

 

Hmmmm what to say.

I have not known Mallory all that long. i actually met her a year and a half ago at Jordan Brill’s Graduation party.  she didn’t have any clue who i was and all i knew of her was that she knew CZ. she was one of those Hoax groupies. i dont even think we talked at the party. but that was the first time i saw her. and it was like “who’s the cute girl with the nice eyes?” not much has changed about her since then. she’s still ultra cute and her eyes are still just as pretty. of course now i get to see them a lot closer.

The main reason for Mallory being awesome is that she talks/IM’s me almost every single day. i like having conversations, even if it’s over instant messenger. and i also see her about 3 times a week. she goes to ThuRsdays, and has now started attending Northgate for both weekend days(this sorta sounds like Smitty a little bit). she starting going to Thursdays because her friend Amber finally decided she wanted to go. Mal hates doing things by herself. well now that she’s met me there will be no worries in that department. “i know EVERYONE!”

she has a brain. which considering her age is rather rare. she doesn’t fly off the handle when something bothers her. she doesn’t want things to end up bad. she asks questions. these are all good things that get problems resolved. although sometimes she doesn’t understand things she tries to. it’s nice to know that a girl isn’t as crazy as the rest of them at such a pivotal age.

Mallory makes me smile. she gives me the dorkiest compliments and says random odd comments to make me smile and laugh. and she also acts like she’s mad at me to get me to be really nice to her and then she giggles b/c she can’t do it. i love her face. it’s just so adorable! few people can make my face hurt from smiling just by smiling at me. she has that ability. sometimes it’s like she’s a cute 2 year old that you can’t help but smile at and sometimes she’s that girl that gives you butterflies so you can’t get the grin off your face.

She is going to school to be a nurse. she will graduate this coming spring with her 2 year degree. i am very proud of her because not only is it a huge workload but it’s also a unselfish profession. she studies(sometimes less than she should but i put the blame on me sometimes for that) and has done really well on her tests. maybe one day when i’m in the hospital for doing something retarded she will be there to laugh at me and take care of me. that would be super sweet.

This girl has helped me through some rough times as of late. but not in the ways Smitty or my family has. in little subtle ways. she has gave me encouragement, told me to stay positive and told me to stop being negative because i really had no good reason to. she is good at that. and she goes from an extreme of being serious and helpful to dorky and weird. it’s a welcome change. and it makes me feel better!!!

We take awesome pictures together(if you haven’t seen our facebook or myspace pictures, you should). seriously, we are just plain amazing. and total dorks. which is pretty much the best thing ever.

I like Mallory a lot. She means a lot to me. for right now, she’s got my heart. and no one else will take of it like she can.

<3 <3 <3